A Letter to my Daughter about Rape.

Dear Sweet Girl,

Last week, a young woman went on stage and twerked. She shook her rump near a mans groin, and she stuck out her tongue, and looked like an idiot. This idiocy was cited as a reason for rape. This week, a mom blogger wrote an “FYI” to young girls everywhere letting them know that their risque pics, posed in their bedrooms where braless nipples can be seen had no place in her sons’ lives. No second chances, sweetie. A judge just gave a 49 year old man a 30 day sentence for having sex with a 14 year old girl because he felt – though he hadn’t met her, being dead and all – she acted older than her years. And it wasn’t the dirty kind of rape. And you know what?People somehow agree.

Miley Cyrus Not Causing Rape

Miley Cyrus Not Causing Rape

So, love of my life, I will tell you how to get on with these people. I will help you try to make it through life without being raped. This is a secret that not everyone will tell you, dear. This is not something that I’m just making up, this is actual proven anti-rape material here. It’s controversial, yes, and you actually have to get other people to help you to increase it’s efficacy, but once it’s locked in, BOOM!

Are you ready?

Ok, here goes…

The most effective way to not get raped is to not be around rapists. I know! Seems easy, right? Well, love, it’s not as easy as it sounds. Because raping, it turns out, is blamed on things like:

  • low cut tops
  • short skirts
  • a lot of makeup
  • red lips
  • dancing suggestively
  • drinking in excess
  • drugs
  • liberalism
  • sluttiness
  • flirting
  • numerous other things that aren’t someone forcibly or coercively assaulting you sexually.

But I swear to you, on my LIFE, that rape is only caused by rapists. And while a boy might say that your silhouette in the nightie you (very unfortunately) posted a picture of caused him to think impure thoughts, it does NOT, I repeat DOES NOT, give him the right to make you feel like you deserve anything less than your safety, your sanity, and your body to be yours and yours alone. And if his judgmental mother posts a viral rant about your poor choices in her patronizing “bless your heart” tone, remember that only you are in charge of you. And it’s easier to blame “slutty girls” for making boys do bad things than it is to raise good boys who don’t rape. And nothing you do, wear, say, post, or think will ever make it ok for people to make you feel badly.

I will tell you not to wear certain things as you grow up, rest assured. I know men, and I know bad decisions, and I know the two of them intimately combined. I will tell you that the pilgrim dress I choose for your prom will make you feel better about yourself for not having to deal with the degrading catcalls and wolf whistles that less-than-savory people will hurl. Or, you may have another dress or skirt stuffed into your backpack that you will throw on at your friends house whose parents don’t care as much as we do. And you may go to a party and feel that because you’re wearing a short skirt, and you’re partying, and you’re doing things that I wouldn’t approve of, you somehow deserve what comes your way. I tell you, my fine daughter, it is not true. No one rapes because of those things.

They rape because they’re rapists.

I love you. Your good decisions and your bad. I love you more than you love you, and this will always be true. I will defend your right to make those questionable decisions to the death, sweet girl, and I know that as a woman you have the extra burden of always having to be vigilant in your quest to not be around rapists. I will do my best to help you along.

Love,

Mommy

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9 thoughts on “A Letter to my Daughter about Rape.

  1. Wise words in a scary time…thanks for bringing a little sanity to this “conversation” (A conversation that I thought we had covered about 25 years ago, but one that we nonetheless need to have again)

  2. wonderful stuff. All the media coverage and discussion on “appropriate behaviour” for teens who wish to avoid being raped has made my head spin over the last year. I’ve often thought about a scary party I attended at the age of 17. My best friends parents had gone away for the weekend, so we had a big party. With beer. After drinking lots of the beer, I was throwing up off the deck when a carload of rowdy boys showed up, uninvited. I remember being terrified as they talked about the best way to get me to their car – who would carry me? Who would get the first “turn” with me? Other party goers were threatening to call the police (something nobody wanted, as we were all drunk and underage) when the homeowners called to say they were on their way home. Mass exodus ensued, and though I was supposed to sleep at the friends house, I was booted out to sleep it off. A male friend took me back to his house, where he got me a glass of water, a blanket, and tucked me in on the couch. In the morning he introduced me to his mom, I apologized for the state I was in, and he drove me back to my car. I’d like to think there are lots of young men who would do the same for a friend in need. I truly hope that the average man is not a rapist, which is what we are frequently led to believe. When I hear people say things along the lines of “she got what she deserved” I’d like to think that I got what I deserved – to be treated with dignity and respect, and not just a body with its defences down to be violated and used. A human who made a mistake.

  3. Pingback: Prevent Rape With These Top Tips - The Good Mother Project

  4. Pingback: Keeping Your Daughter Off The Pole, Advice from a Slutty Girl | Sugarmytips

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